Monday, 29 November 2010

What you wish for

Round 29: April 2030 (Autumn)

Amelia Gottlieb is 41 and Wade is 40.

When Joanna and Rose told us they were going to try artificial insemination and wanted Wade to be the donor, I was caught off guard.


And then when Wade immediately agreed, I could hardly believe my ears!

This is Sophie's last year with us at home and it's brought back my urge to have another baby. Wade and I discussed it years ago and he was against having a fourth. It was hard enough to talk him into a third.

I've mostly accepted that we're not going to have another. I've brought it up again from time to time since we had Emma and Wade definitely felt done.

Well, fine. I don't want to force him into it. But I just can't get over the fact that Wade agreed to this donor thing, apparently without a thought as to how I'd feel about it. And now, possibly in just a year's time, there's going to be this kid out there who will be biologically Wade's but not mine? I don't know how to feel about that.

I've just been stewing about it for months now and I've decided I really need to talk to Wade about it. He seems completely oblivious to the fact that anything is bothering me, so bringing it up myself is the only way I can get this off my chest.

So I sat him down and told him everything. I told him how I felt completely excluded from his decision that, really, affects me as well.

Wade was surprised and he asked why I hadn't brought it up before now. He said it's the kind of thing he would have wanted to know.

I guess I should have said something sooner but it didn't seem right to talk about it in front of Rose and Joanna. And then the longer I left it, the weirder it felt.

But the time when Wade's actually going to do this is drawing closer and closer. If I was going to say anything, the sooner the better.

Wade was actually good about it and even succeeded in making me feel a little better. If this insemination works, Wade isn't going to feel like the baby is his in any way. He's very confident that once the baby is here, I won't feel like that either.

I hope he's right. I don't want this baby to arrive and then feel like it should have been ours. I don't even know if I would but apart from feeling left out of the decision, that has been something playing on my mind.

Wade asked me if I wanted him to back out. He said Rose and Joanna would understand. I don't know if they really would, at this point. They were both so excited when Wade agreed to it.

Still, I was tempted to take him up on it. I chose not to though. I know Wade would feel awful to have to tell Rose and Joanna that he wasn't going ahead with it and I'd probably feel crappy for making him do it.



So I guess this is really happening. I can't say that I'm completely comfortable with this yet but I do feel a lot better about it than I did before. I just hope this doesn't happen too fast. It might give me a little more time to get used to it.

Outtake:
Some of you will have seen this one at N99. For obvious reasons, I didn't use this in the update. But it totally cracked me up!

Notes:
  • This took forever to write. When I'm playing/posing, I usually write down everything I want to say in the update in Liquid Story Binder. Sometimes, I get the idea that I'll be able to remember certain bits without writing them down. Of course, I never do, so I end up having to fudge a little. But I think this actually worked out better than what I would have written in LSB, so my laziness may have worked in my favour this time.
  • But there we go. I'm probably not completely finished with this. I don't really think that one talk with Wade has made Amelia totally okay but she feels somewhat validated, at least.
  • I can't remember if I said in Rose and Joanna's update but the first attempt at artificial insemination will be this May. I'll try it every month until they're successful. I think I set it at either 20% or 25% odds.

17 comments:

  1. Did Amelia lose weight? She looks smaller. I'm glad she decided to have a talk with her hubby. I would feel some kind of way too, since he doesn't want to have anymore kids but he's going to donate sperm for another couple. Plus, he didn't even include her in the decision making. Low blow.

    Yeah, they will have to talk this out some more. If she's like other women, this might still be weighing on her mind. You know we love talking thinks to death. LOL

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  2. Wow, I'm glad she finally spoke up. I agree with her, that was something they both should have discussed.

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  3. Thanks for your comments, guys!

    Riverdale, no, Amelia didn't lose weight. That dress's fat morph is just way more subtle than the outfit she was wearing this summer.

    But yes, she's likely to keep milling this over in her mind, so she'll have more to say to Wade when the time comes. But she knows that she can talk to him now and he knows that he might need to be sensitive to how she's feeling as they go through this process.

    Apple Valley, absolutely. Wade wasn't being intentionally insensitive by agreeing so readily but he unfortunately wasn't thinking of how this would affect Amelia. :\

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  4. It's good she finally talked to Wade about it. I think she's right though, these kind of decisions are the ones you discuss as a couple then deside on them together.
    I get Wade too though, wanting to help out his sister with this.

    Maybe Wade is right, and she will feel better once the baby is there, after all, it's not Wade who will be raising it, but Rose and Joanna...

    I like Amelia's outfit! As Riverdale said, she looks good in it.

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  5. Hm, I don't know. I don't feel entirely comfortable with this, actually.

    It would be one thing if he was single, but he's married.

    I know I sound awful and heartless but Wade should realize that Amelia is NOT okay with it and talk to rose and joanna about other options.

    omg, so conflicted!

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  6. I'm with bbop. I don't feel comfortable with this either and something tells me there's going to be even more issues to arise from this. It just seems like something that is being handled too easily for a married couple. Sorry for being the big pessimist.

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  7. Tanja, it was definitely something that needed to be discussed but that probably should have been discussed before Wade said yes.

    When the baby arrives, we'll see how Amelia copes.

    I think Amelia's outfit is from All About Style, if you're looking for it.

    bbop, I agree that something like this becomes a different animal when there's a partner to consider. And Wade didn't realise that.

    Had Amelia told him, yes, tell Rose and Joanna you're not doing it, then Wade would have backed out. But she didn't say that and it's not a conclusion he'd draw on his own. He tends to take people at face value. So if it's something that Amelia can't handle at all, opposed to just being uncomfortable with it, she would need to say something herself.

    Choco, I'm sure this isn't the end of this, which they both know. Amelia has given Wade the go-ahead, so to speak, but he knows she's not quite "there" yet, in terms of being completely comfortable with it. It's definitely happening but it's something Wade will have to handle very carefully.

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  8. While not common per say, there are many family/friends that help in this department. By carrying babies and donating specimens, heh. That said, all parties really should be ok with it before anything is done.

    It's one thing for Amelia to feel uncomfortable over it. It's entirely different story when she wanted another baby and still does. Now you get into another woman Gavin her husbands baby which is what she covets herself. It'd be one selfless person to not have hard feelings over this.

    Really, Wade should knock her up too. She would probably feel better and have her own baby to focus on. Otherwise I can see it being something she longs for and grows envious of rose/Joanna having her husbands baby. Who will likely have those same eyes, and those feelings can lead to some broken relationships.

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  9. Maisie, true, it's such a sensitive issue and everyone really needs to be on the same page before making any decisions.

    You know, that's not something I'd considered for Wade and Amelia (another baby, I mean). It might be just the thing to quash the resentment Amelia could develop towards Rose and Joanna (and Wade). I'll have to think about whether that would be a possibility for them.

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  10. It is pretty crazy that Wade didn't consider Amelia's feelings, especially since she wanted another baby. She's thinking, "He's willing to give a baby to someone else, but not me!"

    Of course, he's thinking, "I don't have to change the diapers, I don't have to stay up with the crying."

    Poor Amelia. I really, really hope they are able to work it out and that she can get to a place where she's totally fine with it.

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  11. Rachel, exactly. Wade's not really seeing this donation as him becoming a father again. For him, this baby will be his niece or nephew, not his son or daughter. It's not quite as clear-cut for Amelia, unfortunately.

    I'll probably do another update on Amelia and Wade very early next round and see what happens.

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  12. Great mini-update! So many different points made in the comments. I'm torn on this too. If I were in Amelia's shoes in real life, I think I'd feel a lot of resentment towards my husband, Rose and Joanna if hubby made the decision before we talked about it first. As an outsider though, I can see Wade's point of view too. Like you said, he'd see it as his niece/nephew, not his son/daughter. It's nice that he'd be able to view it that way but not everyone can do that. I can't wait to see how this unfolds. I hope it doesn't cause a rift in the family down the line. I'd feel so bad for Amelia if she started to feel like an outsider while everyone's doting on this baby that she feels should have been hers.

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  13. Danielle, thanks!

    In Amelia's position, I'd definitely be feeling some resentment as well, being totally left out of a pretty huge decision!

    I think in a situation like this, you might need a level of...detachment, maybe...that not all people would find easy. I'm hoping they can avoid a family rift as well. There's a few ways this could go, some good, some not so much. :\

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  14. Awww! This was a slightly sad entry. It's certainly something I didn't think about. She has a point. How weird it could be...

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  15. Lunar, you know, it's not something I'd thought about until I actually played out the conversation between Rose and Joanna, and Wade and Amelia. Amelia was very quiet through the whole exchange and looked annoyed several times and I thought "Hmmm...I don't think someone's entirely happy with this". And yeah, she definitely has a point. I don't know anyone who wouldn't feel something in a situation like this.

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  16. True, Amelia should have talked about this earlier but Wade didn't really give her a chance to say anything. He just agreed to it right away. I know he just wants to help his sister but this is something that he should've talked with his wife first. No wonder she's feeling uncomfortable!

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  17. Sari, no, he didn't! Wade just sort of jumped in before Amelia had the chance to react, let alone say anything. But he can't go back and change that, unfortunately, so they'll have to move past that and figure out something they can both be happy with.

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